In High School, I had an English teacher, Mrs. Connolly. I’ll never forget her with her fiery red hair and red glasses. She was tiny but mighty, and she turned me off from writing for years! I’d dread getting a paper back in her class and see the red all over critiquing my writing. I’m fine with getting critiqued but it seemed that I could do nothing right in her class. I think it was my first C ever in HS. I couldn’t stop writing forever, because I had to write papers in college, but I no longer enjoyed writing and definitely didn’t look forward to it.
I would journal periodically, especially when I was going through a tough time. I have so many half filled journals because I only wrote when I was depressed. Then in 2005, I relocated from PA to NC and started my first blog. I wrote to share my journey with friends and then over the years it evolved. I’ve written on and off over the years, mostly off the last few. What I’ve learned though, is that people want to know your story. They want to hear how you have gotten to where you are in life. They want to know the journey you’ve taken to get here. And the more you share your story, the more you realize how many people have similar experiences. Of course, each of our journeys are unique but there’s often this thread that ties us together.
While it’s not always comfortable sharing, especially on social media, I find that so many people relate and have a positive response, that I feel the need to keep sharing. I also love learning about other people and their stories. Share you stories, you never know who you might inspire!
By the way, I started writing this post February 19th, I guess I need to get better about posting on here more regularly!
Many years ago, I thought about becoming a Life Coach. Based on my background, degree in Psychology and years of working in corporate Human Resources, it seemed like a natural fit for me. I thought about it and wondered the next best steps, talked to friends and then put it on the back burner. Meanwhile, I decided to get my Pilates certification and started teaching. A year or so after completing that training, I thought again about Life Coaching. I wondered if I really needed to get training or if it's something I could just do on my own. I did a little research, talked to some friends who had been through different training programs and then promptly put it aside, again. Then at the end of last year, I started to get serious about researching Coach training programs. I listened in on information sessions and had settled on a program in the first part of this year. I was scheduled to get a coaching session with one of their coaches and that was going to be the last step before signing up for their training. Well, that coach never showed up for our call, not a good sign. In the meantime, I received an email from another training program, Goal Imagery® Institute. I sent an email inquiring about a phone meeting to discuss the program, and Marianna (who runs the program) responded within minutes. We scheduled a call for the next day, Friday, with the next training session scheduled for the following Thursday! After an hour long conversation, I was convinced and signed up immediately! Luckily, the class got pushed back a few weeks, so I could wrap my brain around embarking on this new venture.
This photo of Allie starting longingly outside sums up how I was feeling this winter. Wanting to be outside but yet needing my solitude. Wanting to hide yet to be seen. It was a contradiction on so many levels. I wanted to start dating again but didn't want make to much of an effort. Then when Spring came, something shifted, I wanted to get out and play more. So I started the online dating again, started hanging out with friends more, started walking and getting outside more and feeling social again. Then Summer showed up and I felt like hiding again. Not that I didn't want to be outside or with friends, but I got discouraged with the online dating. I saw two ex-boyfriends that got me thinking about my choices in life. So I went into reflection mode, although I do that all the time, somehow it felt different this time. I unsubscribed to the dating sites, I stopped dating anyone and cleared out my social calendar. I sat by the pool by myself, avoiding the social activity happening on the other side. I needed my solitude. This past holiday weekend though, I went down to the pool and actually felt social. I met new neighbors, I reconnected with some old neighbors, one even told me he was happy I was out of hiding, and I really enjoyed myself. I even met some single neighbors, so we'll see what happens there. I feel more open to possibilities, more open to life, and more open to love...
Then yesterday, I had a past life reading which was fascinating to say the least. And if you don't believe in that stuff, that's cool, but I do and so am totally blown away. I'm still reflecting on all of it...a Revolutionary War soldier (for the British), a French courtesan...all had interesting lessons. The first life was the most incredible though and that is the woman I have been working to reclaim, without even knowing it! I'm not going to share too much about her but just knowing that she was a strong, intuitive, secure Elder woman who was an equal with the men in her tribe, well that gives me an inner strength. She was a storyteller too which of course has me thinking more about my writing. The more I reflect on her, the more I see myself coming out of the shadows and reclaiming that part of me. I feel like I've been hiding too long...it's definitely time to let go of the fear, trust myself and live THIS life to the fullest.
I turn 49 today and quite honestly that number is so strange to me. My mother is supposed to be 49, not me! I sure don't feel it and most people tell me I don't look it either, whatever that means. As I reflect on the last 49 years (ok, really the last year), I think about all of the things I've learned. Some lessons have taken a lot longer than others!
Each Spring, it seems I need to replace the plants on my porch. I let the ones from last year die off in the winter. It's never intentional, it just happens. Well lack of water and protection from the winter cold is what actually kills them but that's never my intention.
These new plants remind me that we have the choice to begin again. We can begin again every day, every minute, every second, if we choose. If I wake up in a crappy mood or cranky, I can choose to continue down that path or make a shift and change my perspective. And some days, I stay on the path of crankiness and hey, that's ok.
encouraged me with 'why not, what do you have to lose'. And it's true, what do I have to lose. I'm ready to find love so I need to be open to it in any form it may take. It is challenging to decipher the guys who are serious and those who are just trolling. It's like a job, sorting through profiles, emails, likes, winks, etc. But I've decided to just go for it.
There are several guidelines I have set for myself. When I'm interested, I'm going to send an email and if he responds, we'll see where it goes. If he's not, move along. No hurt feelings. When someone reaches out to me and I'm not interested, I'm going to tell them right away. No need to string anyone along or settle for anything that doesn't feel right.
