A couple of weeks ago, I woke up and was in a funk. Have you ever had that happen? If you’ve never been in a funk, good for you! When I say a funk, I mean this general malaise, feeling down but not knowing why. I don’t want to confuse it with depression, that’s another subject. Basically, I woke up and could not find a smile, could not find motivation, could not find the joy that day.
When this happens, I try to find the reasons why. What is causing this funk? Why can’t I pull myself out of it? Why do I wear my emotions on my sleep? Why can’t I just fake it until I make it?
I examine what is going on in my life, in my friend’s lives, in the world at large. Did I get enough sleep? Did I have a bad dream? What is the root cause?
The last funk had so many causes. It started with a bad dream where I discovered my boyfriend had a fiancé. Poor guy…I woke up pretty upset with him. Luckily it was just a dream but it didn’t improve my mood. All day, I was examining what could be the deeper cause.
Perhaps it was because several friends are dealing with death and grief. A mother gone too soon, a sister gone after a tragic life, a father teetering in between here and there, another family member taken so suddenly, family members dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Perhaps it’s the general state of our world.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there has been a lot of crazy stuff going on and it made perfect sense that the funk descended. Now, what to do about it? Sometimes I feel like I need to ‘fight through’ the muck and put on a happy face but does that really work…maybe, for a short period of time. What tends to work for me, is to sit with it, be in it, work through it, take a nap, read a book, watch mindless tv…basically, don’t fight it. I have found the more I fight it, the longer the funk lasts.
The big lesson, I seem to have to learn over and over again, is that life will knock you off your feet and sometimes you need to lay there for a little while before getting back up. Get back up when you’re ready, and if you need someone to help you off the floor, give me a call.
What do you do when you get in one of these funks? I'd love to hear what works for you!
This photo of Allie starting longingly outside sums up how I was feeling this winter. Wanting to be outside but yet needing my solitude. Wanting to hide yet to be seen. It was a contradiction on so many levels. I wanted to start dating again but didn't want make to much of an effort. Then when Spring came, something shifted, I wanted to get out and play more. So I started the online dating again, started hanging out with friends more, started walking and getting outside more and feeling social again. Then Summer showed up and I felt like hiding again. Not that I didn't want to be outside or with friends, but I got discouraged with the online dating. I saw two ex-boyfriends that got me thinking about my choices in life. So I went into reflection mode, although I do that all the time, somehow it felt different this time. I unsubscribed to the dating sites, I stopped dating anyone and cleared out my social calendar. I sat by the pool by myself, avoiding the social activity happening on the other side. I needed my solitude. This past holiday weekend though, I went down to the pool and actually felt social. I met new neighbors, I reconnected with some old neighbors, one even told me he was happy I was out of hiding, and I really enjoyed myself. I even met some single neighbors, so we'll see what happens there. I feel more open to possibilities, more open to life, and more open to love...
Then yesterday, I had a past life reading which was fascinating to say the least. And if you don't believe in that stuff, that's cool, but I do and so am totally blown away. I'm still reflecting on all of it...a Revolutionary War soldier (for the British), a French courtesan...all had interesting lessons. The first life was the most incredible though and that is the woman I have been working to reclaim, without even knowing it! I'm not going to share too much about her but just knowing that she was a strong, intuitive, secure Elder woman who was an equal with the men in her tribe, well that gives me an inner strength. She was a storyteller too which of course has me thinking more about my writing. The more I reflect on her, the more I see myself coming out of the shadows and reclaiming that part of me. I feel like I've been hiding too long...it's definitely time to let go of the fear, trust myself and live THIS life to the fullest.
I turn 49 today and quite honestly that number is so strange to me. My mother is supposed to be 49, not me! I sure don't feel it and most people tell me I don't look it either, whatever that means. As I reflect on the last 49 years (ok, really the last year), I think about all of the things I've learned. Some lessons have taken a lot longer than others!
She fell into my lap putting her luggage in the overhead, then turned with a startled look, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you there"
