Life is a Practice

I keep coming back to this phrase over and over again. Life.Is.A.Practice. We don’t figure it all out by a certain age and then just coast through the rest of life. We are constantly evolving, learning, growing, changing and then doing it all again.

Last time I wrote a blog post was 2018! I thought I had it all figured out. I turned 50, I moved in with my love, I was teaching Pilates at a steady pace, I had figured this life thing out. HA! Not so fast…2020 showed up and I realized I had nothing figured out! Ok, maybe not quite that dramatic but it did make me reevaluate things. Work shifted online, grocery shopping shifted online, most of life shifted online. For those of us who are introverts, it wasn’t too hard to not “have” to be out in public or constantly socialize. I welcomed the down time. However, after awhile, I had to learn to go back into the world, at least on a limited basis. Going back to teach in the studio was a little scary at first, not the teaching part but worrying about contracting covid. I constantly had to balance that fear with making a living and moving forward. I truly enjoy working with clients so the fear didn’t last past the first day back.

At the beginning of last year, I had planned on reigniting my Coaching practice but when everything shut down, it didn’t feel like the right time. Fast forward to the beginning of this year and I literally had a coaching client fall into my lap. In working with her, I realized I’m really good at coaching and its time to push forward. I’m ready to take on more clients and am excited to work with new people!

I’m also getting ready to launch a Sibling Grief Support Group. I will be sharing more about that in a separate blog post.

In looking back at all of the meaningful career changes in my life, they seem to happen every 10 years. Here we are 10 years after making the leap into Pilates, and I’m making another shift. However, this time, I am bringing all of my experiences together. I’ll continue teaching Pilates, but will also focus on Coaching and Sibling Grief Support. Life has definitely been, and will continue to be a Practice.

Finding Space

I moved in to his place in September and completely out of my place in November.  

I got rid of most of my furniture, only keeping a few pieces I love.  I put up a lot of my artwork to make it feel more like “my place” too.

I lived alone for almost 7 years.  I moved in to a home with 3 other people living there, plus a couple of others coming in and out.   I set up a few altars around the house to make it feel homier.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t seem to focus on my coaching practice or my writing practice or my creative practice.  Finally, in a conversation with my best friend the other day, I put my finger on the issue.  I haven’t been able to find my space.  Space in our home to write or create; space in the coaching world – what do I have to offer that is unique; space in my brain to focus on more than one thing at a time.

I guess I wasn’t thinking about the challenges involved with moving into someone else’s space, someone else’s life…just the good part of being together.

It’s been seven months and I’m still trying to find my space in all of this. 

Don’t get me wrong, there is no place I would rather be but it’s harder than I imagined to find my space, my rhythm, my mojo, my motivation, when there are always people around.  Maybe it’s my tendency to procrastinate, maybe it’s my tendency to be easily distracted, maybe it’s because I’ve been so focused on making this relationship work and my busy teaching schedule that I just want to chill out when I’m home.  Or maybe, it’s all of these things combined with the need to find space.

Since I moved in, I’ve tried hard not to disrupt the rhythm of everyone else in the house.  I want to be accommodating to his work schedule, working overnight and then napping throughout the day.  I try to be quiet when I come home between teaching and read or play on my phone.  I’ve been trying to figure out how to spend my down time.  I guess I’d liken it to hibernation mode.  I come home from teaching and cocoon myself on the recliner (that I have claimed as mine) and sometimes don’t move until I go back to teach.

{I wrote the first part of this post in a coffee shop one week ago.  I’m finishing this post from “my” recliner}

Lately, I’ve been getting myself out of the house and into the park for long walks.  Getting out into nature helps clear my head and also gives me some space I crave.  I’m still working on finding, or maybe it’s creating space, in our home. There’s a room in the house that I’m hoping to make a guest room/my sanctuary but right now it’s housing a pinball machine, a bunch of guitars and a storm trooper.

While writing this blog post, I realized that it's not just about finding physical space but also mental and emotional space.  I also realized this is a constant search.  It's about finding space wherever you are and sometimes making that space.  

I would love to hear your thoughts on this...

In a Funk

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up and was in a funk.  Have you ever had that happen?  If you’ve never been in a funk, good for you!  When I say a funk, I mean this general malaise, feeling down but not knowing why.  I don’t want to confuse it with depression, that’s another subject.  Basically, I woke up and could not find a smile, could not find motivation, could not find the joy that day. 

When this happens, I try to find the reasons why.  What is causing this funk?  Why can’t I pull myself out of it?  Why do I wear my emotions on my sleep?  Why can’t I just fake it until I make it? 

I examine what is going on in my life, in my friend’s lives, in the world at large.  Did I get enough sleep?  Did I have a bad dream?  What is the root cause?

The last funk had so many causes.  It started with a bad dream where I discovered my boyfriend had a fiancé.  Poor guy…I woke up pretty upset with him.  Luckily it was just a dream but it didn’t improve my mood.  All day, I was examining what could be the deeper cause. 

Perhaps it was because several friends are dealing with death and grief.  A mother gone too soon, a sister gone after a tragic life, a father teetering in between here and there, another family member taken so suddenly, family members dealing with a cancer diagnosis.  Perhaps it’s the general state of our world. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there has been a lot of crazy stuff going on and it made perfect sense that the funk descended.  Now, what to do about it?  Sometimes I feel like I need to ‘fight through’ the muck and put on a happy face but does that really work…maybe, for a short period of time.  What tends to work for me, is to sit with it, be in it, work through it, take a nap, read a book, watch mindless tv…basically, don’t fight it.  I have found the more I fight it, the longer the funk lasts. 

The big lesson, I seem to have to learn over and over again, is that life will knock you off your feet and sometimes you need to lay there for a little while before getting back up.  Get back up when you’re ready, and if you need someone to help you off the floor, give me a call. 

What do you do when you get in one of these funks?  I'd love to hear what works for you!

It's all about Choices

People often tell me that I'm lucky to be teaching Pilates and Coaching.  They tell me they're jealous of the freedom I have from a 9-5 corporate job.  I listen politely and then politely tell them it's all about choices.

Let me start from the beginning, I was born in...just kidding.  As a little girl, I dreamt of being a ballerina (who didn't) but at around 16 gave up that dream, I was not coordinated enough.  Around that time, we moved from a little town in Virginia to Northern Virginia, outside DC, the big city.  I got involved with Peer Counseling through a psychology class in my new high school, and decided that's what I wanted to do, be a therapist.  When I was selecting a major in college, there wasn't a hesitation.  Virginia Tech had a great BS in Psychology program but I knew I'd have to get a Masters to become a Therapist (now you'd need a PhD, I'm sure).  I loved my Psych classes and was excited to graduate and pursue my Masters.  

Then life smacked me in the face.  

One week after my graduation, my brother, John, was in a tragic car accident.  One week after that, he died.  My life was totally upended and any plans I may have had, were not even on my radar.  Life changed in an instant and what seemed important yesterday, didn't amount to a hill of beans.  I, along with the rest of my family, were in the throws of grief, which is a whole other conversation.  Needless to say, we were all in survival mode.  My future plans were no longer important.  Getting through each day, each moment, was my only focus.  I started working as a receptionist in the company were I worked through high school, it was a fairly simple job and it paid the bills.  

Fast forward a year, I decided to join my best friend on a backpacking trip in Europe so I quit the job and took off.  Looking back, this trip was a life changer!  During the trip, it was a whole lot of fun with some cultural experiences thrown in, and a few hot Italian boys too!  Upon my return, I took some temp jobs, worked in an insurance agency for a couple years and then received the call that would propel me to my next, or is it first real, career.  My old boss called to offer me a position in Personnel.  For you young kids, that's what they called Human Resources (HR) back in the day.  I started in an entry level position and worked my way up.  I loved HR because I was able to put my Psychology degree to work.  Early on it was more about paperwork and benefits but when I relocated to Pennsylvania and was able to shape an HR department from the beginning, that's where the fun started.  Working with employees to help with staff issues, counseling employees on performance and helping them navigate corporate life, that's what I loved.  I worked my way up to a Director position and loved what I did...until it became too corporate and HR no longer helped employees, it was back to paperwork and benefits.  Then I was done.  I made the choice to leave my high paying job, with great benefits to move to North Carolina and join the family business.

The family business was in New Home Construction and had absolutely nothing to do with HR, although I was able to use my experience when we had to select benefits and company policies.  I needed a change from the corporate grind so this seemed like a great choice.  Honestly, family business is hard.  You can't leave all your problems at the office, they tend to come home with you and can create family drama (more than usual)!  While I enjoyed the people I worked with and dealing with (most) homeowners, something was gnawing at me to pursue other avenues.  For awhile, I thought about going back to school to pursue my Master's in Psychology.  This was also around the time, I started thinking about Life Coaching.  Instead, I ended up enrolling in Pilates Teacher Training and going into the world of fitness.  It may seem like an odd choice, and for someone who was not very athletic growing up, it sort of came out of left field.  Now though, with over 5 years of teaching under my belt, looking back it makes perfect sense.  Working with people, one on one, and in classes too, I'm able to use my background in ways I never thought about back in college.  I often joke with clients that you get two for one when taking Pilates, you get a workout and a therapy session!  

Making the choice to leave the family business and start teaching has lead to all kinds of great things in my life.  Not only have I met some amazing people, a few who have become wonderful friends but I've also met my love (I'll share that story at some point).  Teaching has also lead me to the path of Life Coaching.  It is a natural fit for me.  If you had told me 30 years ago, when I was in college, that I would be where I am today, I would have thought you were crazy.  However, looking back now, I see it all makes perfect sense.  The choices I made along the way, have brought me to this point.  

• Quitting my receptionist job to go to Europe
• Taking a temp job when I returned.  
• Going back to my old company for a job in Personnel
• Moving to PA and taking a Corporate job in HR
• Leaving the Corporate world to move to NC and join the family business
• Leaving the family business to become a Pilates Instructor
• Getting my Life Coaching certification and starting my business

Each step on the path were the building blocks to my current career.  

So when someone tells me how lucky I am to have the life I now do, I politely tell them, it's all about choices!

Be Present - Life Coaching

Many years ago, I thought about becoming a Life Coach.  Based on my background, degree in Psychology and years of working in corporate Human Resources, it seemed like a  natural fit for me.  I thought about it and wondered the next best steps, talked to friends and then put it on the back burner.  Meanwhile, I decided to get my Pilates certification and started teaching.  A year or so after completing that training, I thought again about Life Coaching.  I wondered if I really needed to get training or if it's something I could just do on my own.  I did a little research, talked to some friends who had been through different training programs and then promptly put it aside, again.  Then at the end of last year, I started to get serious about researching Coach training programs.  I listened in on information sessions and had settled on a program in the first part of this year.  I was scheduled to get a coaching session with one of their coaches and that was going to be the last step before signing up for their training.  Well, that coach never showed up for our call, not a good sign.  In the meantime, I received an email from another training program, Goal Imagery® Institute.  I sent an email inquiring about a phone meeting to discuss the program, and Marianna (who runs the program) responded within minutes.  We scheduled a call for the next day, Friday, with the next training session scheduled for the following Thursday!  After an hour long conversation, I was convinced and signed up immediately!  Luckily, the class got pushed back a few weeks, so I could wrap my brain around embarking on this new venture.

After 6 months of comprehensive and practical training, I graduated from Goal Imagery® Institute as an Holistic Life, Career & Executive Certified Coach.  I am so excited to be on this journey and partnering with clients to maximize their personal and professional potential.

I will be launching a website soon for Be Present Coaching, so be on the lookout. I decided on this name, because to be a good coach, you must LISTEN and BE PRESENT in each moment.  I'm really looking forward to working with many different people from all walks of life.  If you or anyone you know, is interested in coaching, please comment here or send me a message.  I would LOVE to work with you.

If you're still not sure about coaching, here is a great explanation from ICF...

“Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives. Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has.” International Coach Federation (ICF)