I moved in to his place in September and completely out of my place in November.
I got rid of most of my furniture, only keeping a few pieces I love. I put up a lot of my artwork to make it feel more like “my place” too.
I lived alone for almost 7 years. I moved in to a home with 3 other people living there, plus a couple of others coming in and out. I set up a few altars around the house to make it feel homier.
I’ve been trying to figure out why I can’t seem to focus on my coaching practice or my writing practice or my creative practice. Finally, in a conversation with my best friend the other day, I put my finger on the issue. I haven’t been able to find my space. Space in our home to write or create; space in the coaching world – what do I have to offer that is unique; space in my brain to focus on more than one thing at a time.
I guess I wasn’t thinking about the challenges involved with moving into someone else’s space, someone else’s life…just the good part of being together.
It’s been seven months and I’m still trying to find my space in all of this.
Don’t get me wrong, there is no place I would rather be but it’s harder than I imagined to find my space, my rhythm, my mojo, my motivation, when there are always people around. Maybe it’s my tendency to procrastinate, maybe it’s my tendency to be easily distracted, maybe it’s because I’ve been so focused on making this relationship work and my busy teaching schedule that I just want to chill out when I’m home. Or maybe, it’s all of these things combined with the need to find space.
Since I moved in, I’ve tried hard not to disrupt the rhythm of everyone else in the house. I want to be accommodating to his work schedule, working overnight and then napping throughout the day. I try to be quiet when I come home between teaching and read or play on my phone. I’ve been trying to figure out how to spend my down time. I guess I’d liken it to hibernation mode. I come home from teaching and cocoon myself on the recliner (that I have claimed as mine) and sometimes don’t move until I go back to teach.
{I wrote the first part of this post in a coffee shop one week ago. I’m finishing this post from “my” recliner}
Lately, I’ve been getting myself out of the house and into the park for long walks. Getting out into nature helps clear my head and also gives me some space I crave. I’m still working on finding, or maybe it’s creating space, in our home. There’s a room in the house that I’m hoping to make a guest room/my sanctuary but right now it’s housing a pinball machine, a bunch of guitars and a storm trooper.
While writing this blog post, I realized that it's not just about finding physical space but also mental and emotional space. I also realized this is a constant search. It's about finding space wherever you are and sometimes making that space.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this...