Allowing for Time to Celebrate

On Friday, I completed my final testing for my Pilates certification.  This was one of the biggest goals I have ever set for myself.  It involved 600+ hours of observing, teaching, and taking classes.  It involved four full weekends of training plus countless hours of studying.  At times, early in the process, I thought I would never get through this.  But this past Friday, I did my advance mat workout, finished my written test and completed the oral portion of the test.   A year in the making and its complete.

Yet, I have been having a hard time allowing myself to celebrate this accomplishment.  Maybe its because in the middle of the oral test, I received a call saying the my cousin was receiving his last rites and this pilates certification didn't seem all that important.  Or maybe its because after all this time and work, there was no fan fair, no marching band, no balloons.  I'm not sure why I was resistant to celebrate, but I kind of forced myself on Friday evening to open a bottle of Prosecco, spend time on the phone with a dear friend  and laugh hysterically at the antics of Melissa McCarthy and various other things....oh and of course snap pictures of Allie (above) staring into my glass.

Yesterday, I didn't have anywhere to be until 5:30pm so I gave myself permission to chill out, relax and take my time getting ready.  Of course I did clean my house so it wasn't a total day of luxury.

Taking my time and not rushing about my day, I guess that was my sort of celebration for this big goal.  Of course, today I am focused on my book and spending time to work on that.  Does anyone else have a hard time allowing time for celebration following the completion of a big project or goal?  Or are you already focused on the next thing like me?

A New Beginning

Full Moon, 11/10/2011
 
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
 
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you will yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
 
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
 
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plentitude opening before you.
 
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
 
Awaken your spirit to adventure; 
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
 
~John O'Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us

Out of the Shadows

The past week I have been living in the shadows.  Walking through my life but not really 'living' it.  Almost like sleepwalking.  I get up, go about my day but something wasn't right.  I really couldn't put my finger on it until yesterday. Yesterday, I looked up.  I was driving down the road and looked up to see the leaves changing colors and then and there I realized, I hadn't looked up in about a week.  I've been looking at my feet, at the ground, making sure to put one foot in front of the other but never looking up.

I know we must embrace the shadows to appreciate the light, but sometimes when you're stuck in the shadow, its kind of scary.  Deep down I always know the light will come again, but on the surface it feels like the dark will never end.  Luckily it does and the light comes shining through.

Today I am GRATEFUL for looking up to see the blue sky, sun shining and leaves changing colors!

The Crash

The Crash, its inevitable really. Spending a week away by the sea with amazing women, laughing so hard your face hurts,  dancing in the kitchen, relaxing in the sand, soaking in the hot tub staring at the stars, doing yoga, writing, journeying, creating, being completely at peace.

Coming home on a high only to crash and burn a few days later.  I've been doing retreats for several years now and most of the time I come home and can easily get back into the groove (except that first year at Squam, that was a doozy).  This time around, I'm having a bit more difficulty.

I want the face to face connections, the laughter and tears, right here, right now.  I need that community on a more regular basis.  The Facebook chats and text messages, even the phone calls, they just aren't a good substitute for the face to face connection.  I guess there is Skype so we can "see" each other but really how do we get more face time with our friends scattered across the globe?

Can someone please purchase a plane that will be at our beck and call whenever needed?  I think that would really help us out...well unless there's a plot of land somewhere where we could start a commune...that would work too.  Any other suggestions?

Look Up

Last week before I headed off to Nags Head, I visited my mom in Virginia Beach.  On Monday, there were fighter jets flying over ALL DAY LONG!  I wasn't sure what was going on but I figure a ship was getting ready to deploy.  It was hard to capture the planes flying by because you don't always hear them until they are right overhead and boy are they LOUD! This photo is for this week's prompt over at 52 Photos Project.  Go check out the photo gallery and submit your own photos too.

Soul-Filled

Serendipity ~ Good Fortune. Luck. Returning from a retreat like Serendipity, people ask me if I had a good time and want me to tell them all about the retreat.  Its so hard to put into words what time with amazing, beautiful, talented, inspiring women is like.  Women who do not judge, who hold your hand, look deep into your eyes and SEE you.  Women who make you think about things in a different way.  Women who make you see things about yourself that maybe you missed.  Women who howl at the moon.  Women who are pure Love.  Women who make you laugh and smile just by walking into a room.

A room filled with women in deep conversations, dancing around the island, singing at the top of their lungs, laughing big huge belly laughs, shedding tears, giving hugs, opening up in the best possible ways.

This is the only way I know how to share about this gathering of women.  These are my soul sisters* and I can't imagine my life without them.

*a few don't have blogs to link to but you are in this group too...Jess, Nikki, Karen, you know who you are!

By The Sea

I will be sitting on the sand, doing yoga gazing at the sea, working through some writer's block and discovering my animal totems while reconnecting with some lovely souls.  I love any time I can spend by the sea but when I can do so with some of my soul sisters, well that makes it even better.

I'll be at Serendipity for a few days and will share all kinds of goodness when I return.

A Better Place

This note was left for me, by John, on my refrigerator one morning.  It was great to look up and see this and I thought it should be shared.  Because all of us, each and every one, make this world a better place.  We all have our unique gifts to share! We, collectively, make the world a better place!  And I, for one, am thankful to be in it with YOU!

I am going to link this to 52 photos project because it fits the theme this week.

Circles

The latest prompt from the lovely Bella at 52 Photos Project is Circles.  I have so many photos of circles in my archives, the moon, pizzas, baubles, but I decided on this mushroom.  I took this a couple of weeks ago before my yard was taken over by a field of fungi.  I love eating portabellas and shiitakes and button mushrooms but I'm not so fond of them taking over my yard. Please visit the gallery at 52 Photos Project and see everyone else's take on this week's prompt or submit your photo to share!

Calm Amidst the Chaos

There is chaos all around me...in the world, with some friends and family.  There is panic in the air.  While I don't watch the news, I can feel it all around and can see the fear in people.  And yet, I feel a certain calmness, a peace inside that all will be ok.

I have realized that my role during all of this uncertainty and flux is to be the port in the storm for my friends and family.  To be the one who remains calm amidst the chaos.  To offer support and care, knowing I can't 'fix' anything but can hold them up when they need a break.  To come to this space and offer support to all of you.  To let you know that while it may seem that things will never get  better, they will.  We all have peaks and valleys in our lives,  and when we're in the dark times we think we'll never get back to the light, but we will....in time.  I can't promise that things will get better tomorrow, but they will get better.  Hang in there.  If you need a port in the storm, know I am here.

Pilates Contest - Your Help Needed

This is Jamie and her 3 lovely little girls. Jamie is a Super Star Pilates instructor and mother to TRIPLETS!  She is currently vying to become the next Pilates Anytime Instructor.  Pilates Anytime offers Pilates videos that you can do anywhere...anytime.

Jamie made it to the Top 10 out of 74 contestants.  NOW, she needs to WIN!  So if you could take just a minute out of your day to click here  and Vote for Jamie Sharpe, she and I would greatly appreciate it!

Thanks!  Good Luck Jamie!

Ten Years

Today is a day we will all remember.  I, along with most of you, will never forget where I was on this fateful day.  I don't know about you but I can't believe its been 10 years.  As I reflect on this day, I look back at the past 10 years and what has happened in my life.

  • I got divorced
  • I moved from PA to NC
  • I moved to 6 different homes
  • I've changed careers, twice
  • I've had 4 serious relationships (including my failed marriage)
  • I've attended 5 art retreats
  • I've adopted a cat
  • I've made many new friends all over the world
  • I've watched my brother Scott graduate from high school then college, my sister Kate go off to college, and my brother Michael (pictured above at age 5) outwit me more times than I care to admit.
  • I've traveled to Alaska and Italy and Costa Rica and Bahamas and California, New Mexico, Arizona, Maine, New Hampshire and many other fun places
  • I've been to New York many times, including one trip I will never forget in October 2001
  • I've been to see U2 several times and Eric Clapton, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, Elton John & Billy Joel, Leonard Cohen, Pink Martini, and many more.

Needless to say, a lot has happened!

On this September 11, 2011, while I think about the terrible losses suffered by so many on this day 10 years ago, I also reflect on all of the amazing things that have happened in my life since that day.  This isn't to say I will ever forget what happened (as I'm sure you won't either), but life moves forward and we move forward.  I am looking forward to the next 10 years and wonder what I will be reflecting on this day in 2021.  Until then, I will strive to BE in this moment on this day and in each moment moving forward.

Its all inside

I grew up always looking for approval.  Was I smart enough, pretty enough, good enough?  I rarely got into trouble because I didn't want to let anyone down.  I didn't want to disappoint anyone.  So I stayed on the straight and narrow and out of trouble.

Even as an adult, I have looked for approval from my friends, co-workers, mates, family.  Always looking for that compliment wherever I could.  I'm what some people would call a "Pleaser".  I don't want to make anyone mad or have anyone dislike me...even if it means I say yes to things I'm not always excited about or go places I don't necessarily want to go.

I am getting better about this.  I am saying No more when something doesn't seem right to me or Yes when its something I'm excited about.  I don't sign up for every E-course that tells me how to do this or that or be better, stronger, faster.  Heck, I have sworn off E-courses for awhile because I need to figure it out for MYSELF.

The answers are all INSIDE.  I just need to tap into them to figure out the right ones.  What is real and true and the right thing for ME...no one else.  It sounds a bit selfish, I know, but if you don't do the things that feel right to you or for you, then are you truly living?  I don't have children so maybe this is a little easier for me to say, I'd have to ask my friends with children if they feel this is an approach they don't have the luxury of taking.

I do know, that no one else is going to give me the answers or solutions or tell me what to do.  I have to figure it all out and I know deep down that the answers are there,  and I have to TRUST in my gut that I/it will be ENOUGH.

Fresh Start

I have been a bit quiet here lately.  Its not because I don't have a lot to say but I am having a hard time getting my thoughts down on paper. Today is a new day, a new month and don't you feel like every First of a month gives you permission to start fresh.  Its like you have a clean slate.  I typically feel that way about each new day but even more so with each new month.

My goal is to write here on a more regular basis even if I don't have anything profound to share.  I just need to give myself permission to write what I'm thinking even if all my thoughts aren't complete...or dare I say "perfect".  So I vow to show up here more this month.

Are you ready for a fresh start today?  What will you give yourself permission to do?