Words Fail Me

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head.  Ideas for blog posts and my book and yet when I sit down to write, the words fail me.  I can't put coherent thoughts on the page.  So I write what I can and hope that eventually it will all come together.

In the meantime, more pictures of Allie.  She is just too friggin' cute!

August Break - Getting Messy and Big Thanks

Today was the last day of the Girls Empowered Art Camp. I wasn't quite sure how things were going to go as this was my first time teaching an art camp.  When the girls came barreling in today (and running over their parents), I knew it was a success.  At the end of class, they were asking when the next camp was going to be and I was thrilled!

I really need to THANK several Amazing Women for their encouragement and support.

  • Patty for the space to have the camp and suggesting it in the first place!
  • Amy for being a sounding board and providing some great ideas.
  • McCabe for all of her inspiration and book journal idea….a huge hit!
  • My BFF for ALWAYS encouraging me (and forcing me to go to SAW).
  • The lovely E who convinced me that Squam Art Workshops was for people like me which is where this whole thing started in the first place.
There are so many more people I probably need to thank but please know that I am so grateful for all of the amazing women in my life!  Girls do need to look out for Girls and I am so lucky you have my back!

August Break - Days 1 & 2

August Break is here again…join in the fun here. The first few days of August have been pretty busy for me.  I had company over the weekend then after dropping them at the airport Monday morning, jumped into a bit of craziness.  In addition to taking and teaching pilates, this week I am holding an art camp for girls at the pilates studio.  I expected 3 girls but at 2pm on Monday, had 5.  I am in no way an art teacher but I love art and am excited to work with 10 & 11 year old girls.

Some of the things I've realized so far about these girls:

  • they can be super focused…I thought kids had a short attention span
  • they are all really creative
  • they have all created completely different artwork
  • they can easily give themselves a compliment and can take them too
  • I thought I was going to have things to teach these girls, but I think I may learn more than they do.
We still have two days of camp left….I just hope I have enough paint to keep them busy.

Rejuvenated

Last week I drove down to Florida for a week at the beach with family.  I never dreamed it would be cooler there than it would be here but it was and it was beautiful.  I always enjoy my time by the sea and this trip was no different.  Waking up every morning and looking out to the sea is something I could get used to doing.  I feel rejuvenated and ready to go….ok well a little tired this morning from the drive back and a restless night's sleep but still ready to go.  Ready to get moving on projects I've been putting off and still letting go of things that no longer serve me….hello control issues.  Every time I visit the sea, I come away with a renewed sense of purpose.  I can only imagine if I lived closer….hmmmm.

Patience and Letting Go

These past two weeks have brought some lessons that I seem to need to be reminded of over and over again because obviously I'm just not getting it!

First, the break-up, which I know deep down was right for me but it was still painful.

Then the very next morning, the discovery of fleas, which by itself would have freaked me out, but on top of the break-up sent me a little bit over the edge.  Then finding out that I had to take Allie and disappear for 4 hours while they fumigated the house and having no idea where to go, well I lost it.  Its easy to take a dog out for 4 hours but a cat...geez.

Once I got through those 2 1/2 days, I thought great the bugs will be gone and we can move on.  Not so fast, now in addition to the fleas, there were roaches and crickets and ants and any other number of bugs coming, literally, out of the woodwork.

At first I freaked out a little but I called the exterminator and they said you need to give it at least 2 weeks for everything to work its way out.

It has now been exactly 2 weeks and I am vacuuming regularly and combing Allie several times a day and still find a few fleas, although they do seem to be a bit more sluggish and easy to drown.  I feel terrible for her as I know they are annoying little critters but I'm not sure what more I can do at this point.  I can't treat her again for another week or two (and I really don't want to use any more of that Frontline stuff) so combing and vacuuming are my solution for now.

These little pests are teaching me a lesson in patience.  I wanted those suckers gone immediately but it doesn't quite work that way.  I need to have patience and they will go in time.

They are teaching me a lesson in letting go of control.  There are bugs and they will get into the house and I can clean and vacuum and spray and comb Allie and drive myself crazy trying to keep them out but guess what?  they were probably here way before we were and they'll be here for a long time to come.  Of course this is not a lesson that I have gotten completely...its a tough one to learn.  But, these bugs have given me a little reminder that sometimes I just need to let go and let nature take its course.  Oh I will still vacuum regularly and treat the house with some natural remedies and comb Allie until I see no more fleas but I know they can come back.

There are still so many other things that I need to let go of and I'm working on it...one flea at a time.

A Summertime Treat

This weeks prompt over at 52 Photos Project  is to share a Summertime Treat.  I have never been a huge fan of the Peach.  There is something about the fuzzy skin that always turned me off from eating them unless they were sliced and peeled. This summer I have embraced the peach.  There is a produce stand within walking distance of my house and I picked up some peaches along with lots of other fruits and veggies.  I am now a Peach Convert and I can't get enough!

Insect Museum?

I have always been a big fan of older homes.  They have such charm and character so I was thrilled when I found this house to rent.

Of course there is tons of history in this house.  I would love to learn more about who built it back in 1902 and who lived in it all these years and maybe I can dig up that information.  What I have learned about this old house is that there are alot of bugs here.  One night about a month ago, I came out into the living room to find a huge wood roach scampering across the floor.  If I wasn't so intent on killing it I might have stopped to take a photo to share.  I've also seen other little insects here and there.

Then last week, my vet discovered a flea on my poor little Allie cat and I freaked a bit.  The exterminator was here the next day and I treated Allie with some Frontline (which was done in a panic) and I figured well that should take care of things.  WRONG!  It only stirred up every possible insect that was living in these old walls.  Not only are the fleas still hanging around, this morning there was a long line of ants marching up the wall into my cabinets.  Then after I emptied the cabinet and killed the ants, I went to jump in the shower only to find 3 crickets chillin' in the tub.

I was joking earlier today that maybe this old house was an insect museum.  Then I went outside and saw this fellow hanging on the deck.

Now I'm convinced.  This house was definitely an Insect Museum!

Oh...and if I had seen this guy in the house, I would have been the crazy woman running down the street screaming.

In the Garden*

This weeks prompt from 52 Photos Project invites you to step outside into your backyard, your community gardens, or your city parks to capture a slice of Summer's bounty. When I moved into my new home, there were a bunch of non-flowering bushes, a lovely rose bush but not too many other flowering plants.  These Asiatic Lilies were the exception.

I have many more flowering plants courtesy of my Mom and Paul who spent two days planting flowers while I worked.

Here's a bush that surprised me with some lovely flowers.  Since I am not the garden guru, can someone please tell me what these flowers are?

Join in the fun with Bella over at 52 Photos Project and share the beauty in your garden.

Almost Friends?

You would think after 6 years that Allie (my cat) and Sammy (mom's dog) would get along like two best friends.  Instead they tolerate each other...well really Allie tolerates Sammy and Sammy just wants to play.  This is about as close as they get and hey if it works for them, who am I to complain.

Enjoy your 4th!  I'll be on my bike wearing my tutu later today for the 2nd annual family parade.

What $5 will get you...

This morning I was up and out by around 8am.  There was an estate sale downtown that I wanted to check out.  I walked up there and was a bit disappointed with the selections so I wandered down the street for a cup of coffee.  Then on my return trip home, I noticed a yard sale at a house that just sold right down the street from me.  I was in search of a small bookcase for the kitchen and as soon as I walked up, there it was.

Exactly what I was looking for so I asked the price.  The homeowner couldn't have been any nicer and she said what will you give me?  It was marked $5 and that was more than a fair price.  Then as a bonus she offered up a gallon of paint if I wanted it, for FREE...it was called Rare Wine how could I pass it up (it was FREE).  As another bonus, she gave me a tour of the house which was adorable!

I lugged the bookcase, gallon of paint and coffee the two blocks home, stopping a few times cause it was kind of heavy.  There was contact paper on a couple of shelves which was removed in minutes of getting home, then it just needed a bit of sanding and cleaning.

Here's the bookcase after sanding and removal of the contact paper.

Now add a bit of that Rare Wine paint and below is the almost finished product after 2 coats of paint.  It needs a bit of touch up and the bottom still needs to be done but I'll let it dry over night before applying more paint.

For $5.00, I got a brand new bookcase that was EXACTLY what I had in mind.  Of course, taking on this little project put a few things that needed to get done on the back burner, namely house cleaning and lawn mowing.  Sometimes though you have to put aside those mundane chores to do something a little creative.  And boy did I need that!

One Word

The prompt this week in the 52 Photos Project is to find one word that describes you.  I had one word picked out and photographed that I was going to share, then I saw this and decided to change.  This word is actually what I'm not but I would really like to be...a bit WILD. I want to let go more and be uninhibited and howl at the moon and not think so much and just go for it!

My word for the prompt is Wild because that's what I'm striving to be.

Breakin' the Law

Today I did something totally illegal.  I didn't get caught, the worst that would have happened would have been a ticket, I think.  I was just following everyone else so what was the harm.  But don't you worry, the Universe got payback.  My car battery died.  Luckily it was just a battery and I will never do what I did again (I got chastised by a few people). So it just goes to show you that if you do something wrong, bad, illegal, karma will kick you in the butt as a little reminder.

Lost

I've been trying to figure out how to put into words what I've been feeling lately.

  • stuck
  • in limbo
  • stagnant
  • floundering
  • immobile

I'm in this space where I'm not sure what do to next, where to go, what's coming or going.  I'm a bit LOST.  I don't know another way to explain it and I'm sure its not going to be clear here.  Since starting this post earlier this morning, I've had a conversation with a dear friend who explained it perfectly...you're in transition.  As soon as she said it all made sense.  I made big huge changes recently, moved to a new home, quit my full time job, ended and restarted a relationship and now...I'm in this space with little motivation, little direction and little energy.  I get up every day and am out of the house early, off to the pilates studio or to the office for a short time so its not like I'm curled in a ball under the covers.  Although most afternoons when I get home, I do tend to take a nap instead of cleaning or doing laundry.  

I doubt this will make sense but I feel like I'm in-between lives.  The one I left is long gone but the one that's coming, I don't know how or when I'm going to get there.  I don't know if there is anything I can do to get there faster.  Nothing seems to get me that excited lately.  I want to have fun but am not sure I know how to or what would constitute fun right now.

Boy I sound like a real barrel of laughs and I'm rambling and none of this is probably making any sense.  I'm not looking for sympathy or answers to these questions.  I'm just sharing here where I am, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Maybe some of you are feeling the same, well I know at least one friend is because she helped me put a name to it.

I guess I really don't have to figure it all out and try to be ok with where I am, in this state of Transition.  But if there's something to help speed it up, I'll do it because really this place....not so much fun.

Getting Rid of Shoulds

I woke up super early this morning, even by my standards.  Up and out of bed before 5:30am.  Now there are many things I probably "should" have been doing, like studying or cleaning or folding laundry but instead I made some coffee and plopped down in front of the computer to catch up on email and blog posts.  Maybe not the most productive use of my time but hey its my time so what do you really care what I do with it.  You don't.

So why do we care so much about what other people think?  That's really what we worry about when we think about what we "should" or "shouldn't" be doing...what other people will think.  I was asked this question not too long ago, what difference does it matter what other people will think?  I thought about it for a second and just shrugged my shoulders and said I dunno.  I'm the one in this body living this life, no one else can live it for me.  Oh sure alot of people can have alot of opinions of how I should or shouldn't live this life but what do I really care?  I am the one that actually has to live it.  Just like you have to live your life and why would you care what my opinion is about how you live it.  Its just my opinion which is likely based on my own issues, projections, judgements about something that isn't working in my life.

Maybe we are so focused on opinions of others because of how we were raised, this need to please our parents and make them proud.  Maybe its our society, we don't want to say or do something that someone else may not like.  We want to be like and be liked by everyone.  Ok maybe that's an overstatement but you know what I'm getting at.

In my opinion, which you can take or leave, we tell ourselves we should do this because if we don't what will everyone think.  Or we shouldn't do this because oh my what will everyone think.  Don't get me wrong, I am still guilty of worrying about what other people think.  I'm working hard not to and I am aware when I'm doing it.  That's half the battle right?

So instead of thinking I should or shouldn't, I'm going to start thinking about what I want and don't want.  I listened to a podcast the other day all about 'wants' vs 'shoulds' so this is fresh in my mind and not at all an original idea.

What if we all started focusing more on what we want to do vs what we feel we should do?  How different would our lives be?  How different would we feel about ourselves?

I'm going to give it a try and I'll let you know how it goes.  If you feel so inclined, you can do it do...only if you want...I wouldn't dare tell you what you should do!