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For 52 Photos Project, this week's prompt was something borrowed. I thought about all the things I have inside my house and I couldn't think of anything borrowed. I tend to return things pretty promptly after borrowing them.
I am renting my house, so it is technically "borrowed". This tire swing hanging in the yard is part of the "borrowed" house that I may not give it back!
The past week I have been living in the shadows. Walking through my life but not really 'living' it. Almost like sleepwalking. I get up, go about my day but something wasn't right. I really couldn't put my finger on it until yesterday.
Yesterday, I looked up. I was driving down the road and looked up to see the leaves changing colors and then and there I realized, I hadn't looked up in about a week. I've been looking at my feet, at the ground, making sure to put one foot in front of the other but never looking up.
I know we must embrace the shadows to appreciate the light, but sometimes when you're stuck in the shadow, its kind of scary. Deep down I always know the light will come again, but on the surface it feels like the dark will never end. Luckily it does and the light comes shining through.
Today I am GRATEFUL for looking up to see the blue sky, sun shining and leaves changing colors!
Last week before I headed off to Nags Head, I visited my mom in Virginia Beach. On Monday, there were fighter jets flying over ALL DAY LONG! I wasn't sure what was going on but I figure a ship was getting ready to deploy. It was hard to capture the planes flying by because you don't always hear them until they are right overhead and boy are they LOUD!
This photo is for this week's prompt over at 52 Photos Project. Go check out the photo gallery and submit your own photos too.
Serendipity ~ Good Fortune. Luck.
Returning from a retreat like Serendipity, people ask me if I had a good time and want me to tell them all about the retreat. Its so hard to put into words what time with amazing, beautiful, talented, inspiring women is like. Women who do not judge, who hold your hand, look deep into your eyes and SEE you. Women who make you think about things in a different way. Women who make you see things about yourself that maybe you missed. Women who howl at the moon. Women who are pure Love. Women who make you laugh and smile just by walking into a room.
A room filled with women in deep conversations, dancing around the island, singing at the top of their lungs, laughing big huge belly laughs, shedding tears, giving hugs, opening up in the best possible ways.
This is the only way I know how to share about this gathering of women. These are my soul sisters* and I can't imagine my life without them.
*a few don't have blogs to link to but you are in this group too...Jess, Nikki, Karen, you know who you are!
There you are, constant, steady, never wavering.
Here I am questioning, wondering, floundering.
Can the two meet somewhere in the middle or are we destined to keep circling, never quite on the same page?
There is chaos all around me...in the world, with some friends and family. There is panic in the air. While I don't watch the news, I can feel it all around and can see the fear in people. And yet, I feel a certain calmness, a peace inside that all will be ok.
I have realized that my role during all of this uncertainty and flux is to be the port in the storm for my friends and family. To be the one who remains calm amidst the chaos. To offer support and care, knowing I can't 'fix' anything but can hold them up when they need a break. To come to this space and offer support to all of you. To let you know that while it may seem that things will never get better, they will. We all have peaks and valleys in our lives, and when we're in the dark times we think we'll never get back to the light, but we will....in time. I can't promise that things will get better tomorrow, but they will get better. Hang in there. If you need a port in the storm, know I am here.
This is Jamie and her 3 lovely little girls.
Jamie is a Super Star Pilates instructor and mother to TRIPLETS! She is currently vying to become the next Pilates Anytime Instructor. Pilates Anytime offers Pilates videos that you can do anywhere...anytime.
Jamie made it to the Top 10 out of 74 contestants. NOW, she needs to WIN! So if you could take just a minute out of your day to click here and Vote for Jamie Sharpe, she and I would greatly appreciate it!
Thanks! Good Luck Jamie!
Today is a day we will all remember. I, along with most of you, will never forget where I was on this fateful day. I don't know about you but I can't believe its been 10 years. As I reflect on this day, I look back at the past 10 years and what has happened in my life.
Needless to say, a lot has happened!
On this September 11, 2011, while I think about the terrible losses suffered by so many on this day 10 years ago, I also reflect on all of the amazing things that have happened in my life since that day. This isn't to say I will ever forget what happened (as I'm sure you won't either), but life moves forward and we move forward. I am looking forward to the next 10 years and wonder what I will be reflecting on this day in 2021. Until then, I will strive to BE in this moment on this day and in each moment moving forward.
I grew up always looking for approval. Was I smart enough, pretty enough, good enough? I rarely got into trouble because I didn't want to let anyone down. I didn't want to disappoint anyone. So I stayed on the straight and narrow and out of trouble.
Even as an adult, I have looked for approval from my friends, co-workers, mates, family. Always looking for that compliment wherever I could. I'm what some people would call a "Pleaser". I don't want to make anyone mad or have anyone dislike me...even if it means I say yes to things I'm not always excited about or go places I don't necessarily want to go.
I am getting better about this. I am saying No more when something doesn't seem right to me or Yes when its something I'm excited about. I don't sign up for every E-course that tells me how to do this or that or be better, stronger, faster. Heck, I have sworn off E-courses for awhile because I need to figure it out for MYSELF.
The answers are all INSIDE. I just need to tap into them to figure out the right ones. What is real and true and the right thing for ME...no one else. It sounds a bit selfish, I know, but if you don't do the things that feel right to you or for you, then are you truly living? I don't have children so maybe this is a little easier for me to say, I'd have to ask my friends with children if they feel this is an approach they don't have the luxury of taking.
I do know, that no one else is going to give me the answers or solutions or tell me what to do. I have to figure it all out and I know deep down that the answers are there, and I have to TRUST in my gut that I/it will be ENOUGH.
Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe
Me."
Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.
~ Hafiz, "The Gift"
August Break is here again…join in the fun here.
The first few days of August have been pretty busy for me. I had company over the weekend then after dropping them at the airport Monday morning, jumped into a bit of craziness. In addition to taking and teaching pilates, this week I am holding an art camp for girls at the pilates studio. I expected 3 girls but at 2pm on Monday, had 5. I am in no way an art teacher but I love art and am excited to work with 10 & 11 year old girls.
Some of the things I've realized so far about these girls:
I have always been a big fan of older homes. They have such charm and character so I was thrilled when I found this house to rent.
Of course there is tons of history in this house. I would love to learn more about who built it back in 1902 and who lived in it all these years and maybe I can dig up that information. What I have learned about this old house is that there are alot of bugs here. One night about a month ago, I came out into the living room to find a huge wood roach scampering across the floor. If I wasn't so intent on killing it I might have stopped to take a photo to share. I've also seen other little insects here and there.
Then last week, my vet discovered a flea on my poor little Allie cat and I freaked a bit. The exterminator was here the next day and I treated Allie with some Frontline (which was done in a panic) and I figured well that should take care of things. WRONG! It only stirred up every possible insect that was living in these old walls. Not only are the fleas still hanging around, this morning there was a long line of ants marching up the wall into my cabinets. Then after I emptied the cabinet and killed the ants, I went to jump in the shower only to find 3 crickets chillin' in the tub.
I was joking earlier today that maybe this old house was an insect museum. Then I went outside and saw this fellow hanging on the deck.
Now I'm convinced. This house was definitely an Insect Museum!
Oh...and if I had seen this guy in the house, I would have been the crazy woman running down the street screaming.
You would think after 6 years that Allie (my cat) and Sammy (mom's dog) would get along like two best friends. Instead they tolerate each other...well really Allie tolerates Sammy and Sammy just wants to play. This is about as close as they get and hey if it works for them, who am I to complain.
Enjoy your 4th! I'll be on my bike wearing my tutu later today for the 2nd annual family parade.
I haven't had a chance to get out and take a photo for this week's 52 Photos Project so I'm pulling one from the archives. This always makes me smile...and think of my Squam by the Sea sisters.
Today I did something totally illegal. I didn't get caught, the worst that would have happened would have been a ticket, I think. I was just following everyone else so what was the harm. But don't you worry, the Universe got payback. My car battery died. Luckily it was just a battery and I will never do what I did again (I got chastised by a few people). So it just goes to show you that if you do something wrong, bad, illegal, karma will kick you in the butt as a little reminder.
I've been trying to figure out how to put into words what I've been feeling lately.
I'm in this space where I'm not sure what do to next, where to go, what's coming or going. I'm a bit LOST. I don't know another way to explain it and I'm sure its not going to be clear here. Since starting this post earlier this morning, I've had a conversation with a dear friend who explained it perfectly...you're in transition. As soon as she said it all made sense. I made big huge changes recently, moved to a new home, quit my full time job, ended and restarted a relationship and now...I'm in this space with little motivation, little direction and little energy. I get up every day and am out of the house early, off to the pilates studio or to the office for a short time so its not like I'm curled in a ball under the covers. Although most afternoons when I get home, I do tend to take a nap instead of cleaning or doing laundry.
I doubt this will make sense but I feel like I'm in-between lives. The one I left is long gone but the one that's coming, I don't know how or when I'm going to get there. I don't know if there is anything I can do to get there faster. Nothing seems to get me that excited lately. I want to have fun but am not sure I know how to or what would constitute fun right now.
Boy I sound like a real barrel of laughs and I'm rambling and none of this is probably making any sense. I'm not looking for sympathy or answers to these questions. I'm just sharing here where I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. Maybe some of you are feeling the same, well I know at least one friend is because she helped me put a name to it.
I guess I really don't have to figure it all out and try to be ok with where I am, in this state of Transition. But if there's something to help speed it up, I'll do it because really this place....not so much fun.
When I lived in the apartment, I didn't have enough wall space to hang all of my artwork so some of it stayed in boxes for over a year. As I was unpacking when I moved into this lovely house, I thought there was no way I would have room to hang it all this time either. I did pass on a few pieces but have been able to find space for every piece of art.
The piece above, by the lovely and talented Kelly Barton, was hanging in my apartment but in my guest room so I didn't see it every day. Now it is hanging in my bedroom where I look at it everyone morning when I wake up and every evening when I go to bed. This was one of the first pieces of original art I bought for myself so it has some real sentimental value to me and I absolutely adore it. But...until I hung it up in my bedroom and was lying in bed staring at the wall, cause I don't have cable tv anymore and what else do you do with your time, I had never noticed the two 4's in the painting. Now you may know I turned 44 this year and I've been really pondering on why it feels so significant to me. Then I see these two 4's and reread the message on the painting, "the girl struggled to begin, she wasn't ready for what lay ahead".
Maybe thats it.
I've made some big changes in the last month or so but I know there are more to come. Or maybe its just that I'm taking more notice of the things around me. Really looking at the things, people and relationships in my life and seeing them for the first time. Taking the time to stop and look and really see.
Since May was all about running around and just getting things done. Maybe June is all about slowing down and taking notice. Hmmmm....I think I like that idea.
Whew...I survived the month of May.
May is my favorite month and least favorite month all rolled into one. Its the 'unofficial' start of Summer, the weather starts warming up (although the 90's was not quite what I had in mind), its my birthday month, people are out and about more and seem happier. But its also the month that marks the anniversary of my brother's death so its a bit of a double-edged sword this month of May. This May happened to have been extremely topsy-turvy. There was the big move (although if you look at my new place you would think I've been here way longer than 1 month); then I started to work part-time at the family biz but picked up hours at the pilates studio; there were two graduations...Congrats to Scott and Kate...now its on to working full time and college, respectively; a couple of visitors; yard work; settling in; and relationship changes. So you see why I said WHEW!
I have vowed that June will not be so crazy. So I started the month by taking the morning off yesterday. I felt like such a rebel staying in bed until 7:15 and lounging around in my pj's until late into the morning. I was finally able to get my email set up on my home computer so now everything is in one place and import all my contacts, write some thank you notes and catch up on some blog reading. The afternoon was spent running errands but I didn't feel stressed. It was a great way to usher in a whole new month, a clean slate....although if you really think about it every day we are given a clean slate to do with what we choose. I may have to bookmark this to remind myself of this very point when I feel a bit out of control.
We can choose to start each day fresh (heck each hour if we want) and not constantly fall into the same patterns of craziness or stress. Its our choice...hmmmm...what a novel idea huh?!
22 years ago, my brother John died a week before my 22nd birthday (I don't say that to garner sympathy, its just a fact). I barely remember that birthday. I seem to remember a small cake down at the beach but that's about it. A few years later I was given a surprise party for my 25th then again for my 30th. My birthday tends to fall around Memorial Day so I've spent many years at the beach sharing with the holiday. On my 40th, I had to share a party with my brother and sister as they graduated from high school and middle school respectively. I was happy to be part of the festivities but hey I was turning 40! Then last year, well last year was spent in the ICU waiting room. I enjoyed a lovely lunch with my stepmom and two brothers for which I am grateful but we still had a shadow hanging over us.
So this year, 22 years after the worst birthday EVER, I am hijacking a day in the middle of my sister's graduation weekend (thanks Sis!) and throwing myself a little party.
44 feels like its going to be a memorable year for me so why not kick it off with a little soiree...and I do mean little so sorry if you weren't invited. Although party crashers are always welcome!
Yes this post is a little self-serving but blogs are allowed to be, right?!?
And Happy Birthday to all my Gemini friends....Jenica, Phil, Trish, Beth, Ka-Le (although you're on the cusp)....and to anyone else I forgot. Hope this year is a memorable one for you too!