So much to say

I have several blog posts started with so much to say.  However, right now, this is all I can manage.  I think allergies have taken me down a bit and my mind and body just want to rest a little.  I know this will pass but I get frustrated when I'm not 100%...but when the body says Stop...we need to listen.

I promise to be back with more insightful posts, but in the meantime, enjoy the fall colors and cooler weather.

Love and Thanks

I try to respond to all comments on my blog but lately I have fallen down on the job.  I read every comment and truly appreciate every.single.one.

This is a BIG THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all of the love and support I have and am receiving from all of you.  I am so very lucky to have found an amazing group of friends, near and far, who cheer each other along on our journeys.  I don't know about you, but I feel like this support is getting stronger every day and the cheers getting louder.  I love watching all of the connections and inspirations and shifts and changes going on all around me.  And am so excited to see how it all unfolds.

I love you my friends!

Shift Happens

There are always shifts in life.  Sometimes they are small and barely noticeable and then sometimes they are BIG...HUGE.  Today I experienced one of those BIG, HUGE shifts.  From the outside it may not have seemed so big or significant but inside it felt bigger than any shift I've ever had.

I've been trying to write this post explaining how the shift occurred but its just not something I can seem to put in words.  All I know is that I've never felt an internal shift like this and I feel completely calm about it, exhausted, but calm.

Things are moving forward, evolving and that is a good thing.

Ready

I am ready to move, to fall in love, to live by the sea, to write a book, to travel across this country, to start a whole new career, to make big changes and little ones too.  So much I want to do and experience and live.

I am ready.

Seen

I've been trying to write this post for several days now.  How do I sum up why Squam Art Workshops is so magical and why I have gone the last 3 years?  Ok the first year I went because I was 'pressured' to go but soon fell in love and couldn't wait to go the next year.  Thank you Christine!

So what is it about SAW that keeps drawing me, and so many others, back every year?

  • The cabins in the woods by the lake with only a wood fireplace to heat them on really cold nights.
  • The long dirt roads that you need a flashlight to navigate at night, unless there is a bright moon to guide you, and where I've never felt safer.
  • The homemade waffles for breakfast, and all the other amazing food that the RDC staff makes for breakfast, lunch and dinner too.
  • The open arms that greet you at every turn, from old and new friends.
  • Elizabeth who brought all of this together and keeps making it better and better, and who takes the time to talk to everyone even when you know she's got a million things to do.
  • The teachers, oh the amazing teachers, who are so encouraging and bring out the best in you, whether its painting or writing or making a ukulele...and learning to play a few notes.
  • Playing a song on a ukulele that you learned earlier in the day, that night at Coffeehouse, and getting a big round of applause.
  • The cabin dance parties (oh maybe that was just our cabin).
  • The heartfelt talks with your cabinmates...and the goofy ones too.
  • The laughter, oh the laughter, and the tears too.
  • Vendor Night...handmade goods and free beer...I mean what's not to love!
  • Shopping at Wholly Tara (oh that may be just me).

All of these things keep me coming back year after year.  But the thing that makes SAW Magical (at least for me)...I feel seen there.  Seen for who I really am and not what others think I am or should be...but really ME.  And often they see me before I'm able or willing to...it takes me a little longer to embrace it all...but I'm finally there.

This is why I look forward to SAW every September...and why this year I am excited that I get to experience it all again by the Sea in October.  No matter what Elizabeth says, I do think there are unicorns in those woods in New Hampshire...and I believe there will be mermaids by the sea.

Lucky

This week I will be taking a trip up north.  My BFF and I will are going to Maine for a couple of days, neither of us has ever been, and then its on to Squam Lake.  Once again it is time for Squam Art Workshops.  I get to spend time in the woods by the lake and explore my creative side, surrounded by amazing friends I have met over the years and some new ones I have yet to meet.  At night, the loons sing the most beautiful songs lulling me to sleep.  It is quite simply a magical place.

I am extremely lucky that I have been able to attend for the last 3 years, since the beginning.  And I can barely contain my excitement to head up to New England for a week of love, light, laughter and I'm sure a few tears too.

More posts when I return from my travels.

I Promise

I promise I will always love you
I promise I will always be there for you
even if I cannot be with you
I promise that you will get through this
I promise that change is good
I promise that even though I don't call, I still think about you
I promise that I care even if I don't show it
I promise that no matter what happens, I will always love you.

Preparations

Everything I am doing right now is in preparation for something else.

  • Prepping that wood box for a piece of art that I have envisioned in my head but haven't yet completed.
  • Watching an anatomy class, taking notes, and being a bit overwhelmed to prepare for a Pilates beginner mat certification class this week.
  • Packing a box of goodies to be shipped out to Squam Art Workshops.
  • Doing laundry, buying a few bits of clothing for my trip on Sunday to Maine and New Hampshire
  • Receiving emails from wonderful people who want to help with the book on Sibling Grief.   Sending more information to those who want to contribute.

All of these tasks are stepping stones, preparations for some amazing things.

I feel like I'm on a train that is just pulling out of the station.  It is picking up speed and I'm preparing for the crazy ride.

Gratitude

I am not sure that I can adequately express the Gratitude that I have for all of you who have offered your support and stories for the book on sibling grief.

The emails in which you share just a little glimpse into your loss, and in some cases losses, have brought me to tears and have reaffirmed why I need to do this.

I knew this was something I HAD to do but then to have you tell me I'm the right person to do it, well I am honored, and humbled, that you would share your stories with me.  This is just the beginning of the process and there is still much work to be done, but I just had to express my Gratitude for your willingness to share with me.

I have responded to all requests to help, so if you have not heard back from me, please let me know as my email may have gone to junk mail.

Living in La-La Land

I have been told several times that I live in La-La Land.  Maybe I do but I like it here.

Its a land where...

  • Everyone is treated equally and not discriminated against because of religion, race, gender, age, education...
  • Our differences are celebrated, not ridiculed
  • Women support each other and hold each other up, we don't tear each other down
  • We embrace our bodies, our curves, our straight lines, all of it...instead of feeling shame
  • People are not judged for their appearance but for their character
  • Everyone is able to pursue a career, job, calling, whatever that they want to do not whatever they are 'supposed' to do
  • Fear is no longer an option
  • Peace wins out over war
  • The news media covers the good stuff too
  • People on reality shows are no longer considered 'celebrities'
  • Heroes are not sports figures or actors, but people who are doing good things for others, not to get famous, but to help others
  • Kindness is the norm
  • We really don't care what other people think of us
  • Hate is no longer in the dictionary

Yes, I kind of like it here in La-La Land.  You are welcome to join me!

*see more of Emily's photos here or check out her page of Facebook- EmC Photography.

Sibling Grief – I need your help

In May, 1989, my brother John died.  He was 18, I was just shy of 22.  It was difficult navigating the world of grief.  I tried to find information on how you are 'supposed' to grieve, but there weren't many resources out there for siblings.  I went to Compassionate Friends meetings, but they were really focused on parents.

So for many years now, I have wanted to write a book dealing with sibling grief.  There are not a lot of resources out there for siblings.  Plenty for parents, but not us.

I would like to get other people who have also dealt with sibling grief to help with this project.  If you know anyone who has lost a sibling, before the age of 30, I would like to talk to them about their experiences...if they are up for it.  Please have them contact me directly at melissa52767@yahoo.com.  No I do not have any kind of book deal nor have I even pursued that yet.  I just feel this is something I have to do and the rest will fall into place.

Day 31 - the August Break

I took this photo last week at the beach but it is how I am feeling right now.  Not all dark and broody but like a big whirlwind storm is getting ready to roll in.  September is shaping up to be a super busy month.  And even though it is all good stuff, I've been enjoying the relative calm of August.

I'll be back tomorrow with regular posts, goodbye August, but I hope to add new pictures too...just not on a daily basis.  Thank you to Susannah for spearheading the August Break, its been fun!

Day 30 - the August Break

I couldn't figure out what to post a picture of today.  When I got home this little guy was hanging from my ceiling.  Looks can be deceiving, as he was maybe the size of a pencil tip...so I couldn't kill him.  He was kind of difficult to photograph since he is so little...amazing what some cropping can do!

Keep on Dancing - Day 28

Today was the big art festival here in Cary, Lazy Daze.  It is typically the hottest day of the summer and everyone comes out.  Parents with kids in strollers, Senior Citizens walking slowly through the crowd, lots and lots of people.  I like to go early before it gets too hot or too crowded.  Well this year it seems everyone had the same idea because it was packed.  We tried to avoid the overcrowded booths and only stopped at places that looked unique.  I had absolutely no plans of buying any art since I don't have much wall space left and I'm trying to cut back on my spending.  Then I came upon the booth of Holly Hambrick, Secret Space Studio, and I just HAD to have the two pieces pictured above.  Luckily for me, she was having a sale to clear out her inventory, so I got the two pieces for the price of one.  What pushed me over the edge to buy these were the stories that went with them.

The first, Pretend, is a picture of one of her aunts when she was younger.  She is now in her 80's and still wears a tiara to church!  The second, Black Sheep, is her Aunt Ruby who would always wear crimson undergarments no matter what outfit she had on...so she was considered somewhat of a Hussy in those days.  I absolutely fell in love with both of these!  Holly was the only artist I spent anytime talking to today and I told her about my red tutu, Squam and this blog.  She was a kindred spirit and had been wondering 'where her people were?' as I was deciding which pieces I wanted.  I was her people.

We chatted for a little while and as I left her booth, she told me to...Keep on Dancing...Keep on Dancing!

Day 26 - the August Break

I woke up in a not-so-great mood this morning and decided to wear my favorite outfit of this summer.  My morning was still a little crappy but having on a fun skirt helped turn the day around.  Its almost as fun as my red tutu...almost!  By the time I was driving to yoga, I was singing and dancing in my car.

Do you have an outfit that can instantly brighten your day?