I've learned

 

 

I am constantly learning lessons in life, but over the last year I've learned, no integrated, more of those lessons.

I've learned

I don't need a man in my life.  I do just fine fixing things on my own.

I do need my friends, because without them...what's the point.

Letting go of expectations has freed me up so much and has allowed for all kinds of good things to come in.

Letting go of perfection has done the same thing.

My brothers and sister are pretty darn cool and I love watching them grow into adults.

I don't want to work a 9-5 job in an office, ever again.

I can tell people about what I think are "crazy" ideas and they don't think they're so crazy...and sometimes they want to join me.

People in general are really good...most of the time its just fear that makes them act bad or say mean things.

Things are not always what they appear to be and before judging another person, try walking in their shoes for a little while.

Don't judge others anyway...it isn't my place to do so.

Its not about me.

I've learned that I am loved by so many people who love me for me and I think that's pretty darn cool.  Of course I love them right back because, well, they're pretty darn amazing people!

I am one lucky girl and I am grateful for this life I lead!

Melissa is...

In the process of cleaning out papers and shredding stuff I no longer need, I found some papers from my last job.  There were stock option letters and performance reviews but the one I found most interesting was an assessment that was done in October, 2003.  I honestly do not remember doing this but I have to say that the summary is quite interesting. It is one time when I'm glad I saved something that I normally would have tossed.

Melissa's task preferences are (in order of preference):  doing something that helps others or society, teaching, building or making something, doing something artistic, fixing or repairing something, and working with her hands.  She prefers to avoid the following tasks (listed according to greatest dislike first): driving a vehicle, working with computers, doing tasks that need to be done precisely, doing tasks that need to be done systematically, working with numbers and doing clerical work.  She would be interested in work that involves travel, and writing/language.  Melissa lacks interest in animals (not true), health/medicine, and electronics.  She needs a work environment that involves lots of activity and sounds, and the opportunity to occasionally get up and move around.

Melissa is quite able to deal with stress when it occurs.  She is extremely helpful and conscious of others' needs.  This is reasonably balanced and will help her have positive interactions with others.  She is quite self-accepting.  Melissa enjoys trying to influence others.  She is very empathetic and warm.  Her warm-heartedness will enable her to influence others more successfully.  There are some interpersonal areas in which she could improve.  She may often have difficulty being frank or direct.  She may tend to be a little self-sacrificing at times.

Melissa is highly motivated by a chance to have decision-making authority, an opportunity to do something worthwhile for society, receiving recognition, and an opportunity to be in a leadership position.  She is demotivated by goals unrelated to her own.

Melissa is comfortable in a decision-making role.  She has a good balance between accepting responsibility for decisions and collaborating with others.  She is somewhat conservative with regard to taking risks.  When making decisions, Melissa is willing to try a new approach to a situation. She does not have much interest in planning. She is very interested in being in a leadership position.

How many signs from the universe do I need I wonder?

Crazy Ideas

Lately I've been having a lot of 'crazy' ideas!  When I tell people about them, I get the same reaction, that's not so crazy.

Here's the BIG crazy idea.  Drive across country, stopping in many cities & towns along the way, then staying in CA for a month or two...you know to see if maybe I'd like to stay there longer.  I do get the question, would you do this alone?, and the answer, at the moment, is yes.  That may change as I get closer to planning this big adventure but I'm prepared to go the whole trip solo.    So what do you think?  Totally crazy or just a little bit crazy?

I was speaking to a dear friend the other day and as we were talking about life, I asked what would be her dream job.  Her first response was its a crazy idea.  In reality it really wasn't but it got my got me thinking about all these supposedly 'crazy' ideas.  Why do we think they are so crazy?  Maybe its because its not what we're 'supposed' to do.  I mean really by this age, I'm supposed to be happily married with 2 kids, a dog, a nice house and a steady 'normal' job...right?  HA!  But who set the rules, who decided what we're 'supposed' to do?  And why do we want to do what everyone else is doing anyway?

Until recently, I thought I should have it all figured out by now.  I should know what I want to do with my life.  I should be in the career I want to be in for the rest of my working life.  I should own a house.  I should, I should, I should.  But why can't I change jobs, careers, whatever, every couple of years?  Why can't I move whenever I want?  I CAN.

That's the thing, we all have choices in life, and I've made choices to get me where I am right now.  So I can choose to pursue those crazy ideas.  Yes, I know I don't have the responsibility of children or a house (which I sold at the right time) and I do have money in the bank.  But those are all things I have, or don't have, based on choices I made, no one else.  I know I have been blessed in my life but I've also made various choices that have gotten me here.

Maybe I'm being naive, or too much of dreamer, when I think that we can all pursue our crazy ideas but I think we can.  The only thing really stopping us is Fear.  Yes I've had moments of 'what the hell am I thinking' and I'm sure I will have more of those.  But if we let that fear stop us from doing those things that we really want to do, those 'crazy' ideas, are we really living?

Being Present

At the beginning of every yoga class, we set an intention.  My intention is always to stay present during my practice.  I try, try, try to stay on the mat and not let my mind wander.  And always, at some point during my practice it happens, my mind wanders...to something that happened earlier in the day, what i'm going to have for dinner, what i need to do after class...you get the idea.

It is work to stay present.  And if I have a hard time doing it for 2 hours on the mat then staying in the moment the other 22 hours in the day...well that's almost impossible...at least it is for me.

I don't know about you, but I have to work to stay in the present.  I have to stop my mind from wandering, from thinking too far into the future and bring myself back to the here and now.  I want to be able to be fully present at all times and enjoy each moment for what it is because really we are only guaranteed this moment.

I don't want to put off until tomorrow what I could do today.  I've done that...I've put things off because it wasn't the perfect time, but I'm not willing to do that anymore.  Whether its age or life experiences or loss that has brought me to this realization, I'm not sure.  I do know that I am living more fully in the present these days and hopefully, soon, it will be easier to do so.

Why is it so hard to stay in the present moment?  Why is it easier to put things off until the ever elusive 'perfect' time.  Is there really such a thing?

I have a feeling this is not the last time I will write about this subject...see already looking ahead and not staying 'in the moment'!

Fearless

This is my 2-year old cousin who as you may be able to see is wearing a cast on his left leg.  All day he hobbled around on that cast without a care in the world.  He would get up on the diving board and jump into the pool (with a little help from his mom) and get back out and do it all over again.  He was absolutely fearless.  That cast was not going to keep him from playing with the other kids, getting in the pool and having fun!

He was my teacher that day.  There was no fear of falling down, no fear of wondering what everyone else will think, no fear of just jumping right in!

I don't know about you but I could use a little more of that in my life.  No fear...just jump right in and do it!  Oh, and the other thing is to take the time to play!  As 'adults' we forget what its like to play, have fun and just let that fear go.

Spending time with a 2-year old reminded me what its like to be fearless.  It takes work to let fear go, but if we let fear control our lives, we'd never take a chance, never try something new, and may be missing out on so many wonderful things.

I know it is so much easier said than done, but just give it a shot.  What's one thing you're afraid to do?  It could something as simple as trying a new dance class or picking up a paint brush or maybe its just putting on a red tutu!  Can you let your fear go?  Baby steps...it doesn't have to be some big major change.  Give it a shot...you can do it.

Life

Thursday morning, we looked out the office window to see this momma turtle laying her eggs right outside our door.  Of course I had to run get my camera so I could snap some photos.  As soon as I walked outside to get closer, she just stopped.  So I took a few pictures and left her alone.  Periodically I'd look back outside to see if she was still there.  Her legs would be moving and I realized she was slowly covering up the eggs.  I never actually saw the eggs but could see that's what she was doing.  After watching for a little while and taking a few more pictures, I walked back up stairs and said to Zoe, "I find that so fascinating".  She said "what, life?".  YES!  I find life totally fascinating and inspiring and amazing.

I try to take the time to stop and watch...and of course take pictures.  Although sometimes, the camera can get in the way.  Last weekend as we're in the pool, a butterfly landed right on my cousin's bathing suit.  It was just the coolest thing.  I wish I had my camera but we were in the pool and besides, the moment may have been lost if I focused on the photo instead of just watching.

There is so much beauty if we just take the time to stop and watch.  And yes take photos too so we can capture those moments.  Although sometimes, what you see with your eyes doesn't always translate in the photos...well at least not in my photos.

When I went back down to check on momma turtle, she was long gone.  I couldn't find her anywhere.  I thought turtles were slow, I guess not!  This is the spot where the eggs are buried.  I'm not sure how long it takes turtle eggs to hatch but I'll be excited to see that new life emerging.  I just need to take the time to stop and watch.

Creative Spark

Over the past few years, I have picked up and put down the paint brush a few times.  I thought after attending my first Squam Art Workshops in 2008 and being surrounded by so much creativity, that I'd come home and just start painting. I did for a little while but it didn't last long. When I came home from last years workshop, the paint brush didn't make it out at all. Of course I was surrounded by so much creativity and support, you would think that was the spark I needed. But there were so many other other things going on in my life, selling my house, moving, ending a relationship, that painting or any other creative endeavors were not at the top of my list.

Last month, I spent 5 days with the lovely and talented, Swirly Girl in her studio and that's what did it.

I didn't paint a thing while I was there, but as I finished the last nap of the trip (I napped a lot), I had an idea for a piece I wanted to do as soon as I got home.  I'm still working on that piece and will share pictures once its finished but since returning from LA, I have been flooded with all kinds of ideas.  That creative spark has been lit and I am running with it.  This blog was an idea that came to me yesterday while driving in the car and it took about 5 hours for it to come to fruition.

I'm not sure the 'lesson' in this but I do know that I want to run with all these ideas while they are fresh.  Maybe the lesson is that napping in a studio surrounded by so much creativity will spark the ideas.  Or that napping is just good for the soul.